Means The World To Me
by Moonbeam-987
Summary: "It's the past, now is the present, and I am fearing my future. In the next five minutes I will probably make the biggest mistake of my life, but I have to see him."


A/N: Hello Fanfiction World! I know that I really need to be writing the next chapter for_ Walls are Death for Love_ but I am having a buttload of writer's block for it! I am hoping that this oneshot helps. This will probably be very confusing, I'm not really sure how I feel about it. It's definately not the best that I have written. But, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Kendall:)

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><p>It's been a while since I have seen James Diamond. Twelve years to the day to be exact. I'm sure you are thinking, <em>"Why would you go so long without seeing one of your <em>best_ friends?"_ Well, that is a story within itself. I don't wish to think about it, much less talk about it. It's the past, now is the present, and I am fearing my future. In the next five minutes I will probably make the biggest mistake of my life, but I have to see him.

Walking down the white walled halls, I had to take a deep, calming breath. The stench of bleach burned my nose, but the fear set deep in my stomach overpowered it. My eyes scanned each door looking for room number 129. I was still a few numbers away, and in the back of my mind I am thinking _TURN BACK NOW, TURN BACK NOW! _but I can't. I have to see him.

A few more seconds of walking and I was standing in front of his door. A big, burly man pressed a button near the door and the door made a loud _click_ before opening. Pushing the door a little farther my eyes connected with hazel ones. They seemed familiar, but they didn't hold the sparkle they did twelve years ago; but why would they after what happened. As the hazel eyes looked over me, I could see fear building up in them and I mentally kicked myself for coming, but then something changed. They started to brighten with joy, and I knew that James was here.

"Logan?"

"Hey buddy."

"It really is you!" he got up out of his chair and came running towards me. His arms wrapped around me and at first my body stiffened, surprised that he even remembered me, but then I relaxed and wrapped my arms around his torso.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling away from the hug.

"Well, I figured that it's been too long since we last saw each other and I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. Carlos comes over once every week. He always comes in happy and before he leaves he starts crying… you aren't going to cry, are you?"

A lump grew in my throat. Of course I couldn't promise that, but I can't tell him that it will probably break my heart when he finally realizes what today is.

"I promise, I won't."

"Good."

"So what's ne-" I stopped midsentence, noticing something changing in his hazel eyes.

They became dull and his face faltered. He stared blankly at me and I braced myself for what was about to happen. He was about to forget. He blinked;_ once, twice, three_ times. His face twisted up in confusion as he leaned away from me.

"Logan, when did you get here?" he asked.

"Just a second ago."

"Oh… well, it's nice to see you! Come give me a hug!" he opened his arms wide and waited for me to walk into the embrace.

Taking a deep breath I walked over to hug him _again._ I knew I shouldn't have come.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling away from me and grasping me by the shoulders, "I thought you were supposed to be with Kendall in Minnesota visiting your family…"

_Oh no. He's not in the present. I can't do this._

The lump in my throat grew ten times bigger and I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. It felt like I had been thrown back twelve years. He stared at me waiting for an answer, but I stood there looking like a fish out of water.

"Hello? Logan?" he waved his hand in front of my face and I knew I had to snap out of it soon.

"U-Umm… K-Kendall decided he wanted to st-stay a couple more days." I choked out, repeating what I said all those years ago.

"Oh… I wish he would've come back with you. The bed is so cold without him in it. I miss him."

"He'll be back soon."

"I hope s—Logan?"

_Not again._

"Yes?"

"Where is Kendall?"

"He-"

"Tell me the truth… Tell me why every time Carlos comes over he cries when I mention him and why you look like you are about to cry too. Tell me where he is." his eyes became soft and tears welled up in mine.

"H-he died."

"W-when?"

"Twelve years ago, today."

"B-but, you and he are supposed to be in Minnesota visiting your families…" he started backing away from me, and all I could do was look at the floor.

"We were, but I came back early and-"

"He's on his way isn't he? Is he going to buy us dinner and be here in a few minutes, right? Oh, this room is a mess," he started running around the room, tiding things that weren't there, "Logan, would you mind helping me clean?"

"James, he's not coming back." I barely whispered, but he heard me, whipping his head around towards me and looking at me like I was crazy.

"What are you talking about? What are you even doing here? You're supposed to be with Kendall in-"

"Minnesota. I know James, but that was twelve years ago. Kendall is gone."

"W-what?"

"He's dead James."

"H-h-how?" his face fell into pure agony.

"He decided he wanted to stay a couple of more days at home and said that I should just go ahead and come back to LA. Th-there was a blizzard on the day that Kendall decided to come back, and he was driving to the airport when his car slid off the road… h-he was in a c-coma for two months b-before Mama Knight decided to take him off of l-life s-support… he only lasted f-five minutes. A-after that, something just s-snapped in you. You can't r-remember stuff and you waver between the past and the present. They d-don't know what you have, b-but they say it's almost like a form of Al-Alzheimer's…" I surrendered to my tears and dropped to my knees.

It's the first time that I've talked about Kendall since that day in the hospital when his mom decided to pull the plug. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and then repeatedly stomped on.

Looking up for a brief second, I saw James standing there in utter shock, tears falling down his angelic face. I got up to my feet and walked over to him and tried to hug him, but he just pushed me away.

"Logan? What are you doing here? And why are you crying?"

"Oh," I wiped my eyes, not wanting to go through with explaining again, "I'm just happy to see you."

"Me too, buddy!" he opened his arms wide yet again, and I didn't even hesitate.

After a few minutes I composed myself and we sat down at the table James was sitting at when I first came in.

"It's been a while since I have seen you… What has it been? Twelve years? You know Carlos comes once ev-" I stopped him, shocked at what I was hearing.

"Wait, you remember what happened? You remember?" my voice got higher with every word.

"What do you mean?"

"You remember what happened to Kendall?"

"Yes. How could I not?"

"Oh, James!" I practically threw myself over the table and hugged him as tight as I could.

_He's back._

"Logan, what is with you?" he asked, pushing me away and looking at me, "Are you sick or something?"

"No, I'm just so happy that you remember!"

"O-ok… Do you need someone to check you out? I can get Ranel to come in here…"

"Who?"

"The guy that stands outside of my room. You would know that if you came and visited every once in a while." He raised an eyebrow at me and flashed _The James Diamond_ smile.

"Ok, ok. I'll come and visit more often."

"Good. It gets really lonely here. I miss having you guys around, especially Ken—Logan! What are you doing here?"

My body grew completely cold. I was dumb enough to think that he was actually back and going to stay…

"Oh, just came to visit, but I have to go. I'll see you soon." I replied monotone.

"O-ok…" he hugged me one last time, and then I was walking towards the door.

I knew I was breaking his and my heart by leaving when his memory just restarted—or whatever you wanted to call it—but it was the only way I was going to be able to leave.

"Bye Logie." Pain erupted through my chest, but I turned around and smiled at my best friend.

"Bye Jamie."

Walking through the door I passed the guard that James called Ranel, and nodded my head towards him before making my way down the hall. I know that I said this would probably be the biggest mistake of my life, but I am sort of glad I came. I at least got to see _James_ for a little bit and that means the world to me.

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><p>Sooooo... What do you think? I hate that I did that to Kendall... But, I love the fact that Ranel made a little appearenceXD<p>

Review?


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